Reality Check

As I sit down to write these posts each day, I freak out about what to write about.  I feel like I have been spending a lot of my day trying to come up with a good topic to talk about.  Today I realized that I shouldn't be spending my day coming up with something that I want everyone to read, I need to write something that is put on my heart by God.

Every morning I wake up, get ready for the day, and sit in a chair in my hallway outside of my dorm to read my Bible.  Anyone down the hallway would agree that THAT is my spot.  It is my one spot where I can just relax and focus on getting closer to God without any distractions.  After I read, I spend a few moments in prayer with God, preparing for what he has in store for me.

Yesterday morning, as I was praying for other people, I realized how blessed I really am.  There are so many other people facing things that are a lot worse than what I go through on a day-to-day basis.  Often, I experience moments of depression and loneliness, but I know that I have a great support system praying for me and lifting me up.  It made me realize if I am being a good support and friend to others who are facing trials.  Do I really put my heart and love into that person when they need it the most?

We are called to lift one another up and pray for others.  In the moments when I get a "woe is me" attitude and expect others to feel sorry for me, I need to realize that their are people out there, some being my friends, that need a lot more love and attention.

It's funny.  I feel the best when I am making someone smile or helping someone out in some way or another, but yet I often forget that and go back into my lonesome depression.

I'm really not even sure why I get depressed...I just do.  I don't know why I feel like I have a terrible life...I don't...at all.  I don't know why I complain about the most stupid things...it's not worth it.

I guess I'm just human.

These next few weeks are going to be rather busy for me.  In these last few days, I have been at choir practices for our upcoming concerts.  Tonight I have a concert..followed by more endless choir practices...followed by another concert next weekend.  I found myself constantly complaining and feeling like I was wasting my time...but then I had a reality check.  The reason choir exists is to be a ministry to others.  God put me in choir to use my abilities to rejoice for Him.  When I am singing, my heart needs to be on glorifying God, and not on complaining about how I want to change out of my choir dress or how my heels hurt so bad.  Isn't that what makes me most happy...when I'm serving others?  When I'm serving God?

I love it when God gives me lessons like these.

So...for this next week, I am going to work on serving and praying for others.  When I focus on things like that, then it may help with never giving me a chance to get depressed about myself.  I want to be a living expression of God's love.

Again, thank you for reading these.  Your comments have been very encouraging.

"Break Me Down" -Tenth Avenue North

Yeah, I feel You fallin'

Like the rain against my skin
And I hear You calling
Your voice like thunder in my head

But now I am stallin'
'Cuz I'm afraid to let you in
Yeah, come break me down with Your mercy
Come break me down again

I'm Yours tonight
I'm Yours, You can break me down
Break through these walls I hide behind

I'm Yours tonight
Come and break me down, won't You break me?
Won't You break me down? I'm breaking me down

I feel it inside me
I feel You underneath my skin
These walls could not hide me
They could not keep You from coming in

So now here You find me
Right back to where I began
Oh, come break me down with Your mercy
Come break me down again

I'm Yours tonight
I'm Yours, You can break me down
Break through these walls I hide behind

I'm Yours tonight
Come and break me down, won't You break me down?
Break me down, oh oh, come and break me down

'Cuz I need your strength to feel this weak
I need your touch to fill my need
I need your strong hands to carry me
Take me, break me, set me free

'Cuz I need your strength to feel this weak
I need your touch to fill my need
I need your strong hands to carry me
Take me, bring me to my knees

I'm Yours tonight
I'm Yours, You can break me down
Break through these walls I hide behind

I'm Yours tonight
Come and break me down
Come and break me down
Come and break me down
Yeah, won't You break me down?

"Break Me Down" Music Video