Set-Apart Princesses....Men's turn.

Yesterday I had a response from my friend, Jonathan about my "Set-Apart Princesses" blogs.  He was wanting to give a guy's perspective on some of the issues.  It is so great to hear from a man's point-of-view.  Below, I have what Jonathan wrote, and a little bit of what I responded to it at the end.  Thank you all!  Please enjoy! 

Jonathan: "I definitely agree with your statement about modest being hottest. Being completely honest, I most likely will “notice” someone who dresses to attract, but, at the same time, I instantly write them off as a possibility for me to consider. So I wind up just trying to keep my distance because I know that my “flesh” will try to confuse my emotions, so… unbeneficial. That may sound really judgemental – and is --, but it’s just what I naturally do.

I have personally noticed, and you may have too, that it seems every time someone starts becoming good friends with someone of the opposite sex, they always start asking themselves and God, “Is this the one?” I, myself, am really trying hard to learn not to do this, because it’s not the time to even ask God yet. I don’t know them really yet. This is really a sad tragedy I’ve decided, because this immediately ruins every relationship. We are looking now for something for US in SOMEONE ELSE.

Even Christians, for some reason, have deficiencies in their lives in areas that don’t need to be deficient. Some people feel a lack for physical affection. I would say that MOST people have a need for affirmation that they really are loved. When people don’t spend time just letting Daddy in heaven affirm them, they need it from other people. They are like a vacuum. The slightest hint of attention and they attach themselves to that person. It is unhealthy and it benefits no one.
Because society is so comfortable with this situation, and in many ways exalt it and feed it, Christians have adopted it in as a fact of life; something glorious and good really! “You have a lack that someone else can fill, and someone else has a lack that you can fill! Yippee!” And it’s SIMPLY STUPID.

I used to have a real deficiency of attention and affirmation, and I had a friend (a girl) who has a need to feel like she is caring for someone. So naturally, she gravitated toward the needy, while I gravitated toward the fulfiller of MY need. We both superficially filled each others “needs”, and though we would have called what we had “loving eachother,” we didn’t. It was selfish. We were USING eachother to fill our needs.
Because we didn’t do anything the church would consider “bad,” most people wouldn’t have used the word “USE” to describe what we were doing to eachother, but now that I’ve learned what I’ve learned, and can look back several years on it, it’s pretty obvious that that’s exactly what we were doing.

I think the key to becoming Christ-like in our marriages begins with becoming Christ-like in EVERY friendship. If we don’t look out for all people, why would we think that we will for some reason look out for this ONE person? From the other side, if someone doesn’t REALLY love all people, what would make you think they will really love you for more than selfish reasons? If they only REALLY look out for YOU, than their love is not love because it is selfish. It’s only for you! Why? Because they want to marry you (Best case scenario)! The question is, “If they are only treating me with this much care, what happens when their ‘desire’ and ‘emotions’ subside? Will they treat me like everyone else?” YES!
In the end, friendship is friendship. Guy or girl! If a guy’s friendships with other guys are deep, good, and real, than his relationship with you will be too. If his friendships with other guys are stupid, shallow, and lacking in love, chances are your relationship with him will be the same.
That may sound funny to you saying it that way; talking about “love” in his guy relationships. But the truth is, you will be able to tell better by his guy friends than his girl friends, because his relationships with guy friends are not muddled with stupid emotions and physical attraction/chemical reaction. (hopefully:)) Therefore, equalling, “Way more legit judgement of the REAL nature of a guy.”
Look for whether or not he looks out for his guy friends. Whether he thinks about how he can be more loving to his guy friends. If he goes out of his way and bends over backwards for his guy friends, he will probably do the same and more for you. THAT is where you’ll find a good guy.

Next thought… I strongly agree in the area of not giving yourself over to someone easily and just falling for people because they show you attention. On the other hand though, I disagree with the idea of playing hard to get or making someone work to get you. It may make you feel good that someone worked really hard for you, but if you think about it, you’re making someone fill your need to feel loved and wanted by doing that. I really think that honesty is the best policy. You need to be on the same level. If they are crazy about you and you’re not about them, you should tell them. Everyone should be brought down to level of whoever is more unsure. If someone’s unsure, there’s probably a good reason and it’s not fair for the other person not to know. Because hiding the truth to protect someone is not loving to them.

The idea with having your parents involved is a VERY good one. In my situation, because my parents live in Missouri, and I live in England right now (soon to be Germany), and when I live in America, I live in Galesburg, I personally will probably not involve my parents from the first step, but… they will definitely be involved before I would really start making plans to marry someone."


My Response: I was going to have a long thought out response to this, but I thought it was best to just write a little bit about it.  There were a few things I never necessarily thought about that Jonathan mentioned.  The one thing that really got to me was creating Christ-like relationships in any type of relationship.  You will know he is a great guy by how he treats others.  You should also see how he treats his guy friends.  I think another thing you should look for is how he treats his mom.  Does he respect her?  If he doesn't respect one of the most important women in his life, then he will probably not respect you.  When he mentioned about being hard to get, I want to stress that you should give a little hint if you do like a guy.  Men are already confused enough at our girl species. (Hey, I don't even understand us sometimes.)  Again, it is just so nice to hear a guy's point-of-view.  It's also a relief that there actually guys out there who agree with these statements.  I would love to receive more comments from any gender about this topic.  Below I have a video of the Proverbs 31 Movement.  You should really watch it!